Wishmaster

[Zorknot]

Granted.

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken;
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away;
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Aaron!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen--

I wish that the wish I am wishing will never come true

[skald79]

I wish doing jazz hands made things happen

Granted! -The next time you perform your 'jazz hands maneuver,' the thing that will happen, is that everyone will assume you are an idiot!

I wish I had a band.

Congratulations! Here's your brand new giant Acme Rubber Band. You attempt to test it out, miscalculate your trajectory and end up a smear on the side of a cliff.  *Beep, beep*

I wish the SPF 100 didn't feel like I sprayed oily glue on my skin.

[exilesrequiem]

I wish the SPF 100 didn't feel like I sprayed oily glue on my skin.

Granted! Now it feels like oily oil and you haven't been able to spray it on the rest of your body since it got on your hands. You've nearly knocked yourself and three other people out trying to pick up the bottle and having it squeeze our of your hands at an astounding speed!

& the wish for not granting the wish you're wishing right now... granted... wow, that was pointless.


Soooo, I wish the giant corporations that insist on putting out large quantities of piss poor product (especially in terms of coffee & beer) would either go out of business or start making and selling really high quality products.

[skald79]

I wish the SPF 100 didn't feel like I sprayed oily glue on my skin.

Granted! Now it feels like oily oil and you haven't been able to spray it on the rest of your body since it got on your hands. You've nearly knocked yourself and three other people out trying to pick up the bottle and having it squeeze our of your hands at an astounding speed!

& the wish for not granting the wish you're wishing right now... granted... wow, that was pointless.


Soooo, I wish the giant corporations that insist on putting out large quantities of piss poor product (especially in terms of coffee & beer) would either go out of business or start making and selling really high quality products.

Granted.... Everything is suddenly super high quality, with the price tag to match. No one can afford anything anymore, and we are forced to live off of roadkill. 

[skald79]

forgot my wish....
I wish my body didn't rebel every time I eat something that tastes remotely awesome.

[Dev]

Granted! Your body never rebels because everything you eat now tastes like crap.

I wish I didn't need to sleep.

[Zorknot]

Granted. You are now a sparkly vampire.

I wish The Last Airbender had been directed by someone other than M. Night Shyamalon

[Dev]

Granted. You are now a sparkly vampire.

Really, I'd rather sparkle than fry in the sun and cry bloody tears.

I wish The Last Airbender had been directed by someone other than M. Night Shyamalon

Granted! The Last Airbender was directed by John Waters.

I wish I had an Icee.

[Num]

Granted! -Unfortunately, it's Harry Potter week, and the flavor choices are from unused Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans -the only two left being Earwax or Snake-Toes...


-I wish I didn't get obscenely catchy J-pop songs stuck in my head from every anime I watch...

(currently it's "Soramimi Cake" by Oranges & Lemons from Azumanga Daioh: The Animation -just listen to it a couple times and if you don't catch yourself humming it at completely inappropriate times, then I'll eat that Snake-Toe Icee...)

[skald79]

Granted! -Unfortunately, it's Harry Potter week, and the flavor choices are from unused Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans -the only two left being Earwax or Snake-Toes...


-I wish I didn't get obscenely catchy J-pop songs stuck in my head from every anime I watch...

(currently it's "Soramimi Cake" by Oranges & Lemons from Azumanga Daioh: The Animation -just listen to it a couple times and if you don't catch yourself humming it at completely inappropriate times, then I'll eat that Snake-Toe Icee...)

Granted. From now on "My Hump" by Blackeye Peas plays continually in your head so that the anime tunes can't be heard over the noise.  Sadly, this results in neuronal death and you end up a drooling idiot.

I wish the school would upgrade the printer attached to the scinillation counter.  [Dot Matrix...Really? The ribbon must be ancient b/c I can barely see anything!]

[exilesrequiem]

Granted, they upgraded to an outdated bubble jet printer that they can no longer get ink cartridges for... unfortunately, this purchase already exceed the school's budget and so this error has resulted in no functioning printer as the initially overjoyed teachers made a spectacle of the ancient machine by launching it from the roof in an unprecendented physics demonstration involving a home made trebuchet.

I wish I had the ability to instantly download and access anything I wanted at any time. (Currently waiting on the two hours + & counting cs5 trial download... XP )

[Num]

I wish I had the ability to instantly download and access anything I wanted at any time. (Currently waiting on the two hours + & counting cs5 trial download... XP )

Granted!! You have been gifted with the universe's most powerful quantum computer! You can now download and access anything at any time... unfortunately, the computer is so powerful that once you initiate a download, the information is removed from all other existence, giving you sole access... Not wishing to seem impolite, however, the computer thoughtfully leaves messages as to the new location of said data... including an up-to-the-minute gps grid coordinate to your current location... as well as way-points to several nearby stores stocking a wide variety of torches and pitchforks...
-Press escape to destroy a star... Abort, Retry, Cancel...

"I'm good at video games and bad at everything else. That's why I wish life were more like a video game"
("What if that thing I said?")

[skald79]

I wish I had the ability to instantly download and access anything I wanted at any time. (Currently waiting on the two hours + & counting cs5 trial download... XP )

Granted!! You have been gifted with the universe's most powerful quantum computer! You can now download and access anything at any time... unfortunately, the computer is so powerful that once you initiate a download, the information is removed from all other existence, giving you sole access... Not wishing to seem impolite, however, the computer thoughtfully leaves messages as to the new location of said data... including an up-to-the-minute gps grid coordinate to your current location... as well as way-points to several nearby stores stocking a wide variety of torches and pitchforks...
-Press escape to destroy a star... Abort, Retry, Cancel...

"I'm good at video games and bad at everything else. That's why I wish life were more like a video game"
("What if that thing I said?")

Granted. Life is now exactly like a video game. Having already used your first life in getting the hang of things, and your second life getting through high school, you face off against a BOSS at level "Job Interview" and DIE.  Since you forgot to pick up that extra life in grade school, and the other one in college.... GAME OVER.

I wish the little histamine mast cells in my body were more discriminant, as opposed to their willy nilly attack on anything and everything (allergies and contact dermatitis....joy)